This is something that I would normally just leave in my journal, but I feel like typing today.
On a lazy Saturday spent doing the mundane tasks of life, that same Saturday that perhaps ought to have been spent running more analyses, reading another chapter, prepping for another participant to enter the lab or returning emails to undergraduates, the simplest most beautiful thought occurred to me, as I returned from grocery shopping. I looked at my cupboards. And they were filled; they were filled to the brim with food. All types. Brown rice, Tuna, Salmon, grits, oatmeal. There’s even a bottle of Patron in there somewhere, ha ha.
I even felt so good as to purchase some cookies and cream ice cream, because I was missing my baby today.
As I moved the Jack3d Pre-Workout over to the side, so that I could reach a box of Macaroni and cheese, I began to laugh, and in doing so, glistening drops of gratitude began to form in my eyes and run down my face. A wonderful thought occurred to me.
I have begun entering my period of restoration.
Everything that was taken away from me, everything that the enemy stole, is slowly but surely being returned to me so much better than before. My peace was taken. But now it has returned. I can actually afford to grocery shop and still have money left over to see the love of my life— a love that surpasses anything I’ve ever known at a human level. I can look around my apartment, that only months ago was a little more than a wooden box. There was a time in July 2012, the only thing I had was 4 comic books and a half can of black beans that had to last me for week. Today, I have desks, a television that stays off and a bed. A real bed. I am in a doctoral program that I am doing great at, and will one day be able to say I made it through. All the way this time.
I wake up and look forward to the day at hand instead of hiding under the covers and crying when no one is looking because life was just that bad. I want to live life fully and now, I am getting a hint of just how full my life will be. In short, I’ve made it through the rough patch. I am getting out of my time in Egypt. My 40 years of desolation, isolation and wondering is ending. Home isn’t a place that’s in sight anymore. It’s a place where I am currently at.
I am in a period of restoration. The Bible promises as such. Taken from Joel 2:25-27 (MSG):
“I’ll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You’ll eat your fill of good food.
You’ll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.
Never again will my people be despised.
You’ll know without question
that I’m in the thick of life with Israel,
That I’m your God, yes, your God,
the one and only real God.
Never again will my people be despised.
When you are given love, thankfulness acknowledges that (Luke 17: 11-19). And I am so thankful.
I love the book of Joel, and in some ways it’s my favorite book of the Bible. Whenever I have a son, for sure that’s his name (I hope you’re reading this, baby, <3 <3 <3. ) Those promises of the Lord are beautiful and as I live, I am seeing them play out day by day. There was a time when all I saw was locusts. Everywhere. But today, I am surrounded by love. My life is being rebuilt. I have friends, and every day shines brighter than the last. Once I was in a place of brokenness. Now I look as the Lord’s hands just rebuild life around me.
I suppose all this is a really long winded way of saying, that what I’ve prayed for has finally been realized. I’m happy. And it’s something I don’t take for granted. And I am in awe and amazed at what the Lord will do next for my life. I am just so thankful for what God has done to me.
I am simply receiving undeserved grace. And with tears in my eyes and joy in my heart, I’m just so appreciative.